God Has Moved This Mountain

On January 29th I released the need for urgent prayer and asked for all that could to pray and fast for an 8 day period. I requested this with the faith and need for God to heal me before an extensive brain surgery would need to take place. I was fortunate to have received many supportive and kind messages of encouragement but there was one that cut me to the core and it was this verse:

“By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days.”

Hebrews 11:30 NKJV

The story of Jericho is a story of faith. A story where God calls Joshua to walk in not only faith but in obedience. Seven days. Joshua and the Israelites walked around Jericho and on the seventh day the walls came tumbling down. This story was exactly what I needed. I held on to that verse so tightly. Clinging to this and claiming this for myself every day.

For the past 3 weeks—after my 6th round of gamma knife radiation—my world has completely changed. It had felt like I had been living my life wearing an astronauts helmet. I could see, hear, comprehend, and feel things physically. But it all seemed to be happening in slow motion. I was viewing life from the outside and I could only look out and observe but not truly partake in life. From the moment I woke up, from the moment I fell asleep, this feeling did not go away. It was like my mind was here, but for some reason I could not connect with it. Everything was happening from the outside and I was a mindless spectator. My emotions, my awareness and my feelings seemed to be confused. Physically, I became extremely weak and confused. For example, I might intend on walking into one room but then accidentally walk into another without even realizing. I lost a majority of my dexterity which made it hard to write, read, paint, play piano, cook, exercise, or pretty much anything that brings me release.

Within a days time, my mind was turned upside down. I was left confused, angry, and so very frustrated. Completely helpless to fight against these symptoms. It had truly felt like I had come close to losing who I am. In the midst of that I began to see the resounding power of prayer at work. Although I did not hold my mind, there is a God in heaven holding it for me. Through the ups and downs and processing the grief, there was a supernatural protection of prayer coming from all across the world.

On Wednesday night during church things began to change...

For weeks I’ve been fervently coming boldly before the throne of God in our prayer room and bringing my request to God. But I as I sat there and began to pray before service all I could do was just praise God. I felt an overwhelming peace from God as He spoke to me,

“The outcome has been decided, and I’m prepared to give it to you.”

Hearing this, I had no certainty on what the outcome would be but I left the prayer room praising God with my whole heart. If it would be surgery or if it would be healing, I would still honor God even with the possibility that I might have to live with these symptoms.

During song service we sang the song: This is My Desire. And as I lifted my hands to praise God and sing, my heart said:

“This is my desire

To honor you

No matter what the outcome

It will glorify you.”

With my whole heart that is all I want. Of course I’m tired of suffering. But I will go through anything He would have me walk through for the sake of someone else’s salvation. I would suffer so someone else might understand and know the God I serve.

And with that, all of a sudden, I felt a little bit of release. Like something had ever so slightly shifted. I could not put my finger on it exactly but I felt good. I felt a slight shift. And after 3 weeks of this unmoving wall, even the tiniest relief seemed so big. I began to claim it in Jesus name. I was able to testify immediately to my church and they began praying.

The next day I emailed my neurologist letting him know that I had seen a bit of a breakthrough last night and I could honestly say I felt a 20% improvement. It was small but I prayed it might affect their view on things. Around 3 o’clock on Thursday afternoon I sat in the car and received a call from my neurologist. He was confident in the amount of change I have seen and believes we might just be able to get away with "not opening this head again." With those words a flood of relief came. Shock overwhelmed me. God did it! He truly did it. I sat in the car with a friend from my church and we cried and prayed and called everyone I could until my phone died. Laughing and crying and praising God, I headed home and the magnitude of this reality began to set in.

These are the facts of what happened: there was a desperate need. We prayed, we sought God. We went before God BOLDLY and asked to weigh in on what would happen here. And God heard our cries! He heard our prayers!

“In my trouble I cried to the LORD, And He answered me.”

Psalms 120:1

So often have I cried out to God, claiming this verse. But this week He has truly answered us.

I am moved to tears when I think of the thousands of people who have been lifting me up in prayer and fasting. I think to myself, “who am I that so many people would care? I truly am nothing special or significant.” All I can boast about in my life is what God has done with it. I don’t aim to be anyone special or stand out in any way. So when I look at this large group of people (many of who I do not know in person yet) I am blown away and completely taken back by the amount of people who have been touched by what I have gone through. Although I’ve done nothing to deserve this amount of care and concern, I see God at work because of it.

You see, I received my miracle on Thursday afternoon when the walls came tumbling down and God changed this course. But each and every one of you who have been praying and believing God received a miracle as well. The miracle of an answered prayer. God is trying to show you something right now, friend. He desperately wants you to know Him better. He desperately wants to pour out a personal revelation of who He is to you through this answered prayer!

A few things I want you to know about my God because of this miracle.

He is a God who is:

1. Our Creator - for we were created by Him and for Him.

2. The Giver of Salvation and Forgiveness

3. Our Protector (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

4. Our Provider (Philippians 4:19)

5. The God of Love. Endless abounding love! (1 John 4:7-21)

6. Our Healer (Jeremiah 30:17)

7. A consuming fire (Hebrews 12:28-29)

A God that loves us so much and cares for us so much that He would deliver me out of this trial and hear the cries of our hearts and move on our behalf is a God worth giving everything to. A God worth surrendering all sin, shame, sickness, fear, addiction, depression, or circumstances. Through this miracle that He worked for us, God is calling us closer to Him. He is calling us to grow in Him. He is calling you to deeper faith and a deeper hope in Him.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

My prayer is that through this miracle our hope will be restored! That God would pour out on to us a new hope that would make us soar on the wings of eagles. To sustain us through the darkest times. A hope that will carry us through the never ending darkness of long suffering so that we may run directly into His loving arms. This is just the beginning. This is just one of the many signs in my life that l will choose to point us to the goodness of Jesus. The healing has just begun. Although I’ve seen dramatic improvements within days, I am still on a road to recovery. I know God will finish the work that He’s started so please keep praying as my mind continues to recover without the need of surgery. Please also pray that God gives me a patience for this healing as well.

Thank you, all!